We're not going to sugarcoat it: Whether the split comes as a total surprise or is a somewhat welcome relief from constant fighting, having your parents break up is rough. “Divorce disrupts your life and undermines your sense of safety and security,” says Amy Baker, author of Getting Through My Parents’ Divorce. A split family affects everything, from where you sleep to who you spend the holidays with, but it’s a decision you (most likely) had no say in. “Some people act like I’m lucky to have divorced parents because I get more presents and have more pets,” says Alex, 14, from California. “I disagree. My life would be easier if my parents were still together.”
The good news: Even though you can’t wave a magic wand and reunite your parents (and, hey, maybe you wouldn’t want to even if you could), taking control of the things you do have power over can make the situation feel a lot more manageable. We asked Choices readers with divorced parents to share some of the trickiest situations they deal with regularly, then polled experts for advice on how to deal. Read on for ways to cope. (Psst: Even if you don’t have divorced parents, a lot of these strategies are just as great for negotiating any situation that makes you feel caught in the middle.)