Would You Stand Up to Hate?

You’re on the bus to school and hear a laugh-fest coming from the back. Soon enough, you see Corey’s phone held up high and understand what’s happening: He’s chuckling as he directs a pretty mean meme at a kid from your science class. You stop for a second, then think to yourself: Someone closer to Corey will do something...right?

What’s happening here is called the bystander effect. It means that if you are a part of a group of people who witness something cruel, you’re less likely to feel a personal responsibility to intervene. You think, “Oh, someone else will do it”—then bury your face back in your book.

But guess what? It’s your obligation to step in. Luckily, you don’t need to make a dramatic stand. Research shows that even mild pushback or social support can have a majorly meaningful effect. “If you laugh or do nothing, the bullying will continue,” says Justin Patchin, co-director of the Cyberbullying Research Center. “It’s important to send the message, however small, that certain behavior is not acceptable.” 

On the next two pages, you’ll read three different scenarios, each with two choices of actions you can take. Your ideal answer may not be there, and that’s fine! The goal here is to practice thinking about how you would react—so you’re ready to step up when it counts. 

A. Rally some allies. If you can gather some teammates and friends to tweet back in Beth’s support, the hateful account might go silent. 

B. Speak up. The ringleaders have been pretty cruel to you before, but this is what it means to be brave...right? 

A. Yell back. You’ve had enough. (“Hey, why don’t you scram?”) 

B. Reach out. You have her number from a group project, so you can shoot her a text. 

Your Best Move: B. When you’re supporting someone who is being tormented, your actions don’t have to be loud. In fact, sometimes they shouldn’t be. Reaching out privately first will make the person feel less alone without drawing more attention to their painful situation. (Sometimes it’s as easy as saying: “I saw those kids in the caf today and that’s not cool. I’m so sorry. Want to talk?”) 

A. Tell an adult. This is such a violation of privacy that it feels like more than you can handle. 

B. Get revenge. With access to the older boys’ yearbook pics and your Photoshop skills, these guys are toast. 

Your Best Move: A. Fighting back with a mean snap of your own won’t just make those boys angry, which will probably prolong the pain for Kevin, but they can also easily screenshot the photo and get you in trouble. Instead, save the evidence, and find that one adult you trust—it could be your parent, your newspaper adviser, or a counselor—and fill him or her in on what’s been happening. In the end, you’ll feel much better than you would if you had sent a vengeful snap that stooped to their level.