How Well Do You Know...You? 

Every group needs a leader, and whether you’re the captain of the soccer team or in charge of a group assignment, that leader is you. You can take the reins in an emergency (say, if someone’s had too much to drink at a party), and people admire your directness and great ideas.

“Eagles like to win, and they speak with confidence,” Rosenberg says. “Of course, sometimes that directness can come off wrong: If you’re willing to say anything back to a teacher, she might think, ‘Who are you to speak to me that way?!’ ” A similar thing can happen when you talk to peers: You think you’re just talking, but to a sensitive kid, it sounds like you’re being harsh.

“Being a leader is a special superpower—and it can have a positive impact or a negative impact on projects and other people,” says psychologist Lucie Hemmen. Think about leaders that you liked and didn’t like. Was your coach critical? Patient? Intimidating? Noticing what makes a poor or a great leader helps you think about how you should behave next time you’re in a group, Hemmen says.

Parrots are chatty and fun, so they tend to have many friends from different groups. Consider yourself lucky—not everyone has an easy time getting along with people. They also tend to live in the moment, so spontane- ous stuff (an invite to watch a football game) trumps important but less-social things (a school project or practicing piano). And, because they’re crazy optimistic, they tend to be risk-takers: “My son’s a parrot and a skateboarder, so I’ve spent nights in the hospital with him because there’s no trick he won’t try,” Rosenberg says.

Luckily, there’s one cool skill you can learn that’ll solve both your time-management issues and the tendency to try dangerous stuff: the pause button. “Before you commit to anything social, hit pause and ask yourself if this is a good idea,” Hemmen says. “Did you promise your mom that you’d walk the dog after school? Be honest and hold yourself accountable.” It takes a while to get into the habit, but the more you practice, the easier it becomes. (As a visual cue, you might even draw the pause sign—two vertical lines—on your hand or on a Post-it note.) 

Smarty, you’re all about taking your time, thinking carefully about what you’re doing, and working hard to get everything—a paper, a routine in tap class—exactly right. Many kids love having you in their group, because they know you’ll make sure every I is dotted and every T is crossed!

The only problem with that? “Perfectionism is a real joy-killer, because you’re always looking for what you didn’t do well,” Hemmen says. “The reality is sometimes you’re going to fall short, and that can lead to anxiety.”

Enlist your parents’ help in taming the perfectionism beast. You could say to them, “I know I keep talking about that big physics final, but please don’t ask me about it this week, since it’ll stress me out,” Hemmen suggests. You can also ask a teacher to help you make a plan of attack for studying (say, flash cards for two nights, and then swapping a practice test with a buddy the night before), so that you’ll see—in writing—what you can do to prepare and what’s not under your control. 

“Doves are the kind of kid everybody likes,” Rosenberg says. “They’re kind and helpful, they’re not bossy or confrontational, and they go along with whatever the group wants.” Give yourself a pat on the back: The world would be a nicer place if everyone were as compassionate and thoughtful as you.

If anyone’s ever called you “too nice,” though, you know the potential problem with being so laid-back and easygoing. “Doves can be accommodating to the point of putting other people first—like, ‘Oh, I actually wanted to go to the mall, but if everybody else wants to see a movie, we can do that,’ ” Rosenberg says. “To a dove, simply being assertive feels like you’re being aggressive, so it’s tough to make your needs heard.”

Reality check: Your friends totally want to go along with your wishes too! “I encourage doves to notice when they’re feeling anxious in a relationship, because that’s a sign they’re not getting their needs met,” Hemmen says.

Whenever you feel a tightening in your gut or chest, ask yourself: What am I thinking but not saying? Then say it! “You can practice on other people first,” Hemmen adds—like politely speaking up to the barista when your order is wrong, or asking a teacher to explain her reasons for your paper’s meh grade. “Giving yourself that challenge helps teach you that it’s totally OK to voice your needs.”