Oh, you’ve been there: Your parents are insisting you come home by 10, when everyone else can stay out until midnight. Your soccer coach keeps starting Little Miss Freshman—and benching you. And your ex is making it her mission to be attached to him whenever you’re within 50 yards. You’re angry, and who wouldn’t be? We all have days when we think we might straight-up explode. Everyone (even that soft-spoken clarinetist in your chem lab) feels it!
That’s because anger is 101 percent normal—in fact, it’s rooted in the most primitive of survival mechanisms. When an animal is threatened by a vicious predator, it feels anger as a signal to fight to stay alive. But complex animals that we humans are, our highly evolved brains attach similar meaning to things that aren’t life-threatening but trigger an equally intense response. Once those wires get crossed, the spiral is swift: You’re ready to wrestle your best friend, for example, when a simple, “Hey man, not cool” would probably do the trick.
And while there’s zero shame in getting mad—no one ever got into trouble for having angry thoughts—what you do about your rage makes all the difference. (Think about it: Scream at your parents? Grounded. Eye-roll at your teacher? Sent to detention.) So consider this your survival guide to making it through those moments when you’re on the brink of totally Hulking out. If you can pause, understand where your anger is coming from, and know what to do with it, your relationships—and your whole life—will benefit.