Tabor (left) has dealt with anxiety since kindergarten. Alexis can get overly worried about her academic performance.

We Have Anxiety

It’s normal to worry about things from time to time. Here’s how two teens deal when their concerns get out of control.

Alexis was sitting in chemistry class, quietly freaking out. She had a math test coming up, and she was worried she was going to get a bad grade. In her mind, a bad grade on the test could affect her grade for the semester, which in turn might affect her ability to get into a good college. If she didn’t go to a good college, she might not be able to get a job. She became convinced her entire future depended on a single test. “I felt like I had swallowed a jar of butterflies,” she says. “My stomach hurt so bad. I couldn’t sit still, and I felt like I was going to throw up.”

At that moment, Alexis was experiencing anxiety. Simply put, anxiety is a feeling of fear, dread, or uneasiness about the future. If you’re feeling anxious, you might have sweaty palms, a dry mouth, and a racing pulse. Or, like Alexis, you might feel sick to your stomach.  

It’s normal to be nervous before a big event like a test or a school play. In these situations, a little bit of anxiety can even be helpful by motivating you to study or practice your lines. But sometimes your worries can negatively affect your ability to live your life. 

If your concerns about the future are more harmful than helpful, you may have what’s known as an anxiety disorder. But excess anxiety doesn’t have to rule your life. There are many ways people manage anxious thoughts and feelings. Their techniques may also work for you.

Read on to learn about how two teens experience anxiety and their tips for keeping it under control. 

A Smoke Detector

One way to understand anxiety is to think of it as a smoke detector in your brain, says Qiuyuan Liu. She’s a therapist who helps teens manage anxiety. “If there’s a fire in our home, a smoke detector will protect us by warning us of the danger,” she says. “Anxiety works the same way. But if you are overly anxious, your smoke detector is going off all the time, even when there’s no real danger.” 

For example, that test that Alexis was convinced she was going to bomb? She wound up getting a 95 percent. But, she says, knowing that she generally does well on tests doesn’t stop her from worrying about the next one. “I’m constantly worried about the future and threats that haven’t happened yet,” she says. “It feels like a Jenga tower, like one little slip and my whole life will crumble.”

If Alexis’s story sounds familiar, you might think about how intense your anxiety feels and how long it lasts. “If you have a test coming up and you’re anxious about the test, that’s fine,” says Liu. “However, if you have an anxiety disorder, you might have physical symptoms, like you feel like you can’t catch your breath, your heart is pounding, your hands are sweating, or you want to throw up. Or you might find yourself still thinking about the test two hours after it’s over.”

"Anxiety is part of who I am as a thinker." – Alexis

Not Just Academic

It’s common for teens to worry a lot about schoolwork. But anxiety may also affect other areas of your life, like your relationships. Tabor, 17, says that his anxiety can cause him to act impulsively. Like the time he confronted a friend about a misunderstanding—at 12:30 a.m. “If anything goes wrong with work or school or a relationship, I have this urge to immediately try to fix it,” he says. “Even when there’s nothing that needs to be addressed urgently, or when it’s something that actually needs patience and time.”

Other times, Tabor’s anxiety can make him avoid interactions, like when he put off responding to an email from a different friend for several months. “Anxiety caused me to procrastinate responding to him,” he says. “And the longer it had been, the more the anxiety grew, and that made it more and more difficult to answer the email. I’ve ghosted other friends because of anxiety, and I feel bad about damaging those relationships.”

Many Causes

According to experts, there’s no one single cause of anxiety, but factors like having a parent who struggled with anxiety or having a lot of stress in your environment can contribute to developing an anxiety disorder. “We also know that certain personality traits might increase the likelihood of developing an anxiety disorder,” says Erlanger Turner. He’s a licensed psychologist. “For people who are perfectionists, they might have a lot of worries about their ability to do well or be a good person, and that could cause them a lot of anxiety,” Turner says.

Tabor can remember feeling anxious as early as kindergarten. He believes his anxiety could be linked in part to issues at home when he was very young. Alexis, on the other hand, traces her academic anxiety to sixth grade, when she started getting letter grades on her report card. “I think I’ve always had college in the back of my mind ever since then,” she says.

"I'll take my dogs on a walk or eat some food." – Tabor

Managing Anxiety

Both Tabor and Alexis see therapists to help them work through their worries. They also say that techniques like breathing exercises and meditation are useful for staying calm. “When I feel butterflies in my stomach, I take really long breaths in and really long breaths out,” Alexis says. “Then I try to think about the things that I can do to make things go better, as opposed to just worrying about the outcome.” 

Tabor also tries to be proactive about reducing his anxiety. “For example, if I write everything I need to do down on paper, I won’t have anxiety about ‘Oh, am I forgetting something?’” he says. 

He also finds that a change of scene is helpful when he’s feeling anxious. “I can have the urge to just sit in a room by myself and stress out,” he says. “But that just allows the anxiety to build. So if my friends are available, I might hit them up. If I can’t talk to friends, I’ll take my dogs on a walk or eat some food. I make sure that I’m well-fed and well-rested.”

Liu and Turner agree that these are all excellent techniques for managing anxiety. According to Turner, just recognizing that a situation may make you feel anxious can be helpful. “You can say, ‘OK, this does make me a bit nervous. I need to calm down and focus on slowing down my breathing,” he says. 

Both Turner and Liu also stress the importance of getting enough sleep. And they caution against using drugs or alcohol to try to control anxious feelings. 

In fact, studies show that over time, drugs and alcohol can actually worsen the symptoms of anxiety. “You might compare using substances to help anxiety to putting a Band-Aid on a deep cut without cleaning it first,” says Liu. “It might cover the problem for a while, but underneath, the cut is getting worse.”

Not All Bad

Tabor and Alexis both say that living with anxiety is not all bad. “Anxiety is part of who I am as a thinker, and it’s part of what makes me so successful,” Alexis says. “It can be bad when I’m thinking about grades, but it also keeps me motivated and keeps me focused on my goals.” 

Both teens want others to know that anxiety doesn’t have to define who you are. “If you have feelings of anxiety, it can be helpful to remember that everyone feels the same way from time to time,” Tabor says. “But if those feelings are impacting your life in a negative way, there are steps that you can take so that they don’t consume you. If you can find a positive use for your anxiety, it can be a powerful force.”

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