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The Basics of Bullying

Learn how to identify bullying and how to stop it in its tracks.

April 2025
By Chava Pearl Lansky | Illustrations by Thomas Pitilli

You’re walking down the hall between classes when a classmate bumps you with their shoulder and then walks off without apologizing. Is that bullying? How about if they bump you every time they see you, then tell you to stop being so sensitive when you ask them to cut it out? Does that count as bullying?

In the first case, the answer is no. The behavior is rude and annoying, for sure, but you can’t be certain the person did it on purpose, and it only happened once. In the second scenario, the answer is yes. The behavior does count as bullying. It is intentionally mean and harmful, and it has happened repeatedly. 

The word bullying gets used a lot these days, but it can be tricky to know what behaviors qualify as true bullying. The same actions might or might not be considered bullying depending on who the person is, what their intentions are, and whether they repeat the behavior. While it’s definitely important to address any treatment that makes you feel hurt, angry, or sad, it’s also important to understand what bullying really is—and what it isn’t. 

We checked in with two experts who research bullying to set the record straight on some common myths about bullying. They also offered advice about how to fight it. Take our quiz to test your knowledge and brush up on the basics of this unacceptable behavior, so that you can help prevent bullying and know what to do if it happens to you. 

1. Fact or Myth? Bullying can happen between friends.

Fact! “It’s normal for friends to have conflict and get into arguments and disagreements,” says Stephanie Fredrick, a professor who studies bullying. “But sometimes the power balance in friendships starts to change, and that can lead to bullying behavior.” Instead of obvious forms of bullying like pushing or name-calling, bullying within friendships is more subtle. It can take the form of a friend trying to control you, exclude you, or put you down in front of other people. 

What Bullying Is and Isn't

Bullying is behavior that is mean or harmful on purpose, is repeated, and is done by a person who has more power than the person being bullied. Here’s what that means. 

The person doing the bullying has more power than the person being bullied.

The person doing the bullying might be older, stronger, more popular, or better liked by their teacher. There’s likely a difference in power if the person being bullied feels scared to stand up for themself. 

The behavior is repeated. 

If your classmate makes fun of your glasses every day, then it might be bullying. But one joke probably doesn’t count.

The behavior is mean or harmful on purpose. 

If someone knocks your lunch tray out of your hands by accident, then it’s probably not bullying. If they clearly did it on purpose, or if they shoved you so that you dropped the tray yourself, then the person is acting like a bully.

2. Fact or Myth? In-person bullying is more common than cyberbullying.

Myth! The term cyberbullying refers to bullying that happens online instead of face-to-face. “It’s using computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices to threaten, harass, mistreat, exclude, or spread rumors about others,” says Justin Patchin, a professor who studies bullying. This type of behavior has been on the rise over the past few years. According to a 2023 study by the Cyberbullying Research Center, it is now more common than in-person bullying. One reason might be because teens spend so much of their lives online. The fact that people can hide their identities behind fake names, photos, and online profiles may also be a factor in the increase in cyberbullying.

Don’t Just Stand There

Have you witnessed bullying? It’s important to support the person being bullied. That doesn’t mean you have to confront the person doing the bullying. Here are some ways to help. 

  • Tell a trusted adult.
  • If you know the person who is acting like a bully and feel comfortable speaking up, you can tell them to stop or that you’re not comfortable with their behavior. 
  • Change the subject. If someone is saying hurtful things either in person or online, say something like “Let’s keep this chat positive! What’s everyone’s favorite song right now?”
  • Create a distraction. Actions like dropping your water bottle can interrupt the bullying. 
  • Let the victim know that they’re not alone. You can send them a text afterward to check in, or ask them if they want to eat lunch with you or sit with you on the bus.

3. Fact or Myth? If you’re being bullied, involving an adult will only make things worse.

Myth! Being bullied can feel really lonely. You might know that you need help, but the idea of telling your parents or teachers can feel scary or embarrassing. It’s easy to imagine that they’ll tell everyone or go straight to the person who is bullying you. You might worry that will only make the situation worse. 

But Fredrick says those fears are often unfounded. “There are many adults who can listen to you and problem-solve together,” she says. Start by picking an adult you trust. That doesn’t have to be your parent. You can tell a teacher, a school social worker, a neighbor, or the coach of your sports team. 

A trusted adult can likely help you work things out behind the scenes. This might mean changing your assigned seat, making sure your class schedule doesn’t overlap with the person bullying you, or offering you a safe place to eat lunch until things get better. They can also help you keep a record of the behavior and report it to authorities if necessary. 

Need More Help?

If you’re experiencing bullying, there are a number of online resources you can turn to for help.

  • Co-run by Justin Patchin, the Cyberbullying Research Center offers a long list of resources for students, including tips for TikTok, digital dating, livestreaming, and password safety. cyberbullying.org 
  • The official government site on bullying brings together information and resources from different parts of the U.S. government. It has advice for teens, parents, and schools. stopbullying.gov

4. Fact or Myth? Bullying affects everyone involved.

Fact! You might think that the person being bullied is the only one affected. But it turns out that this behavior takes a toll on everyone involved. That includes the victim, people who witness bullying, and even the person who is doing the bullying. “Research is clear that bullying has a negative impact on the mental health of people who do it,” says Fredrick. People who bully others are also more likely to use unsafe substances like drugs and engage in risky behaviors like rule breaking. And studies have shown that they are often also the victims of bullying themselves.

How to Fight Back

Whether you’re gearing up to apply to college or are just entering high school, you’ll want to remember these tips for winning over college admissions officers.

 

If the Bullying Is In-Person:

  • Talk to a trusted adult. You can ask a friend to come with you. Talking about things will help you feel less alone. 
  • Keep a record of what happened, when it happened, and if there were any witnesses.
  • Don’t get into a physical conflict. If the person attacks you physically, tell an adult immediately. 
  • If you feel comfortable, you can ask the person to stop in a calm, clear voice. 
  • If you feel unsafe, walk away. 
  • Try to stay near other people until the bullying behavior stops. Ask a friend to come with you when you go places you’re likely to see the person. 

 

If it’s Cyberbullying:

  • Don’t respond.
  • Block the other person from your social media and unfollow them. 
  • Collect evidence. Take screenshots or photos. But don’t try to provoke the person into continuing the bullying just so you can document it.
  • If the person is someone in your school, tell a teacher or guidance counselor, and show them the evidence. Some schools have systems that allow you to report cyberbullying anonymously. 
  • Ask an adult to help you report the bullying behavior to the social media site, app, or game. These platforms have tools to report harmful behavior and will protect your identity.
Social-Emotional Learning
Bullying

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