What does consent mean?
You might not be exactly sure. But guess what? You already practice it all the time. If you’ve ever said, “Do you want a hug?” you have asked for consent. If you’ve said, “Yeah, you can borrow my headphones,” you have given consent. If you’ve said, “Don’t tickle me!,” you have chosen not to give consent.
Simply put, consent means giving and receiving permission to do something. It is a key part of any relationship. And it’s extra important when it comes to romantic relationships and physical intimacy. Holding hands, hugging, or kissing can be fun and exciting. However, if you don’t feel safe and comfortable, a situation can quickly become scary instead of fun. That’s not OK.
That’s why you should always check in with others about what they feel comfortable with.
It’s also important to check in with yourself. “It’s crucial to understand how to ask other people about their boundaries,” says Valerie Sedivy, a psychologist who teaches teens about healthy relationships. “It’s also really important to know how to express yourself and advocate for your own boundaries with other people.”
But consent can often involve more than a simple “yes” or “no.” To truly work, consent must be freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific. (An easy to way to remember these requirements is to think of the word FRIES.) Here’s a breakdown of what each of those terms means.