My Life With a Sibling With a Disability

When you’re a younger sibling, it’s pretty common for your older sibling to look after you. In my situation, it’s usually the reverse. One of my early memories is of being on a family vacation when I was 7 years old and my brother Max was 9. Max and I were at the kids’ club, and he wanted to meet some of the boys his age. 

But I had to introduce him because he couldn’t speak clearly enough to do it himself. That’s because Max has a condition called cerebral palsy (CP). Over the years, there have been many situations where I’ve had to speak up for Max. Now it’s second nature to me.

My name is Sabrina, and I have a brother with special needs. I’m 17, and Max is 19. (I also have a 6-year-old brother, Ben, who doesn’t have a disability.) Having a brother with a disability means some parts of our relationship are unique. But mostly our lives are pretty normal. Want to know more about life with Max? Read on.

When Max was born, he had an injury to his brain that caused CP. Many people with CP have a hard time controlling the movements of their muscles. Max can walk and run, but he can’t climb or jump. His speech can also be hard to understand at times. Even with these challenges, Max is happy with who he is.

Growing up, my parents always reminded me that Max was just like any other kid, even if he walked differently or sounded different. They explained that he still loved to have fun, eat chocolate ice cream, and hang out with his family—just like I do.

When we were younger, Max took up a lot of my parents’ attention. Sometimes I felt invisible. My mom would reassure me that I was equally important. I believed her, but I did get jealous. 

For example, when I was 3, my mom started writing a blog about my brother called Love That Max. When I was 9, I created my own blog called Love That Sabrina. Talk about sibling rivalry! My mom didn’t mind­—in fact, she encouraged it, because she never wanted me to feel left out.

I help Max with a lot of little things each day, like getting dressed in the mornings, picking up something he’s dropped, or even helping him get on his special adaptive bike. Sometimes I get a little sad seeing him try to do something that someone else could do easily, like cutting a piece of paper. I want to help. But I also know that he has to learn to be independent and can’t depend on other people for help with everything. 

Max has worked really hard on things most of us take for granted, like being able to speak clearly. He’s worked with a speech therapist and made a lot of progress. Now, if we’re out for dinner, he can tell the waiter what everyone wants, and the waiter can usually make out what he says with a little help from us. He’ll even say “You’re late!” if I’m running behind in the morning. I feel I’ve developed a new mentality because of him—to not give up on something you’re working hard for. 

Max and I have a very close relationship. We love to try new ice cream places and take walks. Like all siblings, we also fight sometimes. Usually it’s about who gets the TV remote or where we’ll go out to eat—pretty typical stuff.

When I wanted a car, I explained to my parents that they’d be getting a car for me and Max since he’ll never be able to drive. It worked! I got the car, and now I often drive him places. 

Max has taught me to be less self-conscious. He can laugh at himself, which we all should be able to do. He’s also helped me be more tolerant of others who are having a hard time since I’ve seen him struggle. Because of Max, I have a broader perspective of what’s “normal” in the world. I try to appreciate others for who they are as people and not define them by their differences.

In the future, I hope to have a job where I can help people with CP or who have similar mobility challenges. Having Max as my older brother has taught me so much and added so much to my life. I’d love to be able to give something back to him and others like him someday!