Superpower: Empathy

Have you ever been listening to a friend tell a happy story, and you felt happy too? That experience of feeling a little bit of the same emotion as someone else is called empathy. The ability to feel and express empathy is an incredibly powerful skill that can help with many aspects of our lives, especially our relationships. 

But being empathetic doesn’t just help you get along with others. Studies have shown that empathetic people also experience less stress. In addition, they have an easier time managing anger and frustration, and feel happier overall.

According to experts, the trick to being empathetic is trying to see things from another person’s perspective. Want to start flexing your empathy muscles today? Take this fun quiz. When you’re done, turn to the backpage for a quick and easy way to show others you care about them. 

A. Worried your germs would get a lot of other people sick.

B. Trying to do her job and follow school policy.

C. Hoping your team loses the game.

Likely answer: A and B. Just like anyone with a job, the school nurse is expected to follow certain rules, including sending kids home if they’re sick. It’s also her responsibility to keep the other students healthy. 

The empathy flex: It’s OK to feel super bummed about missing your game. It’s not OK, however, to take out your frustration on the nurse, so thank her for looking out for you and head home. It might help to think about how upset you would be if the nurse let one of your teammates play when they weren’t feeling well—and they wound up getting you and the rest of the team sick. When you think of it that way, didn’t the nurse make the right call?

A. Feeling left out because she’s not old enough to visit friends on her own.

B. Upset because she loves your family traditions and she’s worried about losing them when you move out.

C. Telling the truth—she hates you and always has.

Likely answer: A mix of A and B. Just as it’s hard for you to see your friend move on, it might be sad for your sister to notice how things change as siblings get older. She may be jealous of your freedom while also worried about what will happen when it’s time for you to leave home. 

The empathy flex: To smooth things over with your sis, offer to spend some quality time with her in the near future so she knows your relationship matters too. You might also talk to her about a way you can preserve family traditions even when you’re not all in the same house.

A. Annoyed that you weren’t really paying attention to her.

B. Uncomfortable because you were getting a million texts and she wasn’t getting any.

C. Tired and ready to go home.

Likely answer: A or B. It’s possible your friend got really tired all of a sudden, but if so, she probably would have said that was why she was leaving. Trust your gut—if her departure felt weird, something was off. Think about how you would feel if you were in her position. Maybe you’d be totally cool with her paying more attention to her phone than you. But you might also start to feel like she didn’t really want you there, right?

The empathy flex: It can’t hurt to send a quick text saying you’re sorry your friend had to leave and asking if everything’s OK. In the future, try to focus on the friend in the room instead of the people on your phone. Silencing notifications is a good way to avoid getting distracted. If that’s too hard, at least share the funny texts and TikToks with your friend so she feels in on the joke and knows you want her there. 

A. Jealous of your posts.

B. Mad about something.

C. Not seeing your posts.

Likely answer: It could be any of the above—or none of them. If your friend likes and comments on everyone’s posts except yours, that could be a sign something’s up. On the other hand, if your friend is generally less active on Insta, he might not be as into social media as you are. 

The empathy flex: There’s an important difference between seeing something from another person’s perspective and assuming you know what another person is thinking or feeling. “We can talk ourselves into believing others don’t care about us,” says Maurice Elias, Ph.D. He’s a psychologist who studies empathy. But when that happens, we actually lose our empathy for others, Elias says. If you’re unsure about what’s going on with your friend, try simply asking if he’s upset about something. If he says no, drop it. But if he says yes, listen carefully. He’ll likely appreciate the chance to clear the air.

A. Totally oblivious to the fact that there’s a long line of people waiting for their turn to check out.

B. Just a rude person and taking a long time on purpose.

C. Embarrassed because everyone else in the store is staring at her, and she’s doing her best to get through the checkout.

Likely answer: C. While it might seem that the mom is oblivious to her surroundings, it’s more likely she’s painfully aware of the fact she’s holding up the line and feels awful about it. 

The empathy flex: Have you ever fumbled your order in a busy pizza place or dropped your wallet getting on the bus with a line behind you? Tapping into how flustered you felt in those situations will help you empathize with the mom. You could even offer to help unload the cart: “The better we understand another person’s feelings, the more likely we’ll help,” says empathy researcher Tammi Kral, Ph.D. But it’s also fine to just give the mom an encouraging smile. That tiny gesture can mean a lot!