Secrets of a Winning Fail

Quick question: What do Harry Styles and Simone Biles have in common? That’s an easy one, right? They’re both hugely successful, adored by millions, and seemingly able to do anything they put their minds to. While that’s all true, there’s one more thing these stars have in common: Both Harry and Simone have overcome major setbacks to get to where they are today.

Don’t feel bad if you didn’t know that already. Failure is not something most people like to talk about (or even think about). Failure is scary. It’s embarrassing. It can make you feel like, well, a loser. But failure is also really, really good for you. According to Jenny Wang, a psychologist who studies failure, “every roadblock we encounter is an opportunity to stretch and grow. When we think of life that way, it opens up so many possibilities.”

The key, experts say, is to think about a failure not as the end of your attempt to reach a goal, but the first step on the road to eventual success. For example, if you try out for the school play but don’t get a part, you could think, “That’s it, I’ll never audition again.” If you view the experience that way, you’ll be right. Giving up on trying out for plays will mean you’ll never get a part. On the other hand, if you think, “Now I’ll be so much more prepared for my next audition,” you’ll be motivated to keep trying out, getting better every time, until you get a part in a play. 

In other words, failure can set you up for success. Read on to learn the five secrets of failure, and how some very successful people got to where they are by falling down and getting up again. 

Oprah’s Story: Oprah Winfrey is one of the most successful talk show hosts of all time. She’s interviewed everyone from Rihanna to Prince Harry. But she was actually fired from her first job as a news reporter. Why? People told her she was too emotionally invested in the stories she was reporting. Instead of giving up her dream, Oprah used her gift for empathy to create her perfect career.

Fail Like Oprah: Oprah once said, “Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction.” If you don’t succeed at something, take a moment to examine why things didn’t work. If someone gives you feedback, think hard about whether you agree with their evaluation of what went wrong. Are you really suited for the thing you’re pursuing? Are there ways your weaknesses in one area could actually be strengths in a different area? For example, if you love running track but don’t really hit your stride until mile three, you might dominate in cross-country. 

Simone’s Story: Simone Biles is known as the greatest gymnast of all time for winning 32 Olympic and World Championship medals. But at the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo, she dropped out of several events because she needed to take time to focus on her mental health. Although Simone failed to win a gold medal at the Games, she succeeded in bringing international attention to mental health issues. She also inspired several other top athletes to speak out about the detrimental effects of the pressure of competition. Simone remains one of the most famous gymnasts in history and is an influential advocate for mental health awareness.

Fail Like Simone: If you feel like you’re under pressure to succeed, ask yourself if the goal is worth it. If your mental health is suffering, the answer is no. “Taking care of yourself is much more important than any accolades,” says Jenny Wang. Instead of defining success by awards or grades, think about how you can pursue your dreams and also live a well-balanced life.

Vera’s Story: Vera Wang is a famous fashion designer who has designed the wedding gowns of celebrities including Ariana Grande and Alicia Keys. But she didn’t start out wanting to be a designer. She dreamed of being an Olympic figure skater, but she didn’t make the team. She used that failure to explore other interests, including fashion. Vera stayed true to her love of skating by designing outfits worn by skaters at several Olympics.

Fail Like Vera: While it’s easy to believe you have talents in just one area, like sports or the arts, it’s likely you’re good at several different things. “The world can put a lot of pressure on us to succeed in one specific way,” says Jenny Wang. But if you resist that pressure, you’ll discover there are many paths to happiness. And remember, you don’t need to pick one path right away! Vera Wang didn’t design her first wedding dress until she was 40. You have plenty of time to explore. 

Steven’s Story: Steven Spielberg is the director behind some of the most-loved blockbuster movies ever, including Jaws, the Jurassic Park series, and the Indiana Jones series. But the filmmaker faced a lot of “no’s” before he started hearing “yes.” He was rejected from film school at University of Southern California not once, not twice, but three times. The university eventually gave him an honorary degree. Even though he is one of the most successful filmmakers in history, Spielberg has said “Success is elusive. Failure is inevitable.”

Fail Like Steven: If you really love doing something, keep doing it. Don’t let a “no” stop you from pursuing your passions. If a door refuses to open for you, find another door. (Spielberg got his big break by making a short film, which led to jobs directing TV shows, which led to the opportunity to direct films.) Feeling joy and excitement about what you’re doing is more important than other people’s opinions or approval.