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Is Your Brain a Liar?

Just because you have a thought doesn’t mean it’s true. Find out how to separate fact from fiction and put your brainpower to work for you— instead of against you.

December 2020
Anna Borges

Stop us if this sounds familiar: You get a bad grade and your brain goes into overdrive. You think, “I’m a screw-up, I’m going to fail this class, my GPA will tank, . . .” and on and on. You’re not intentionally being extra dramatic—you’re falling victim to something called cognitive distortions. These thoughts distort how we perceive the world. They also can make us feel, well, crappy.

Here’s the thing: These unhelpful ideas are actually a survival mechanism. If you paid attention to everything all the time, you’d be exhausted. Instead, your brain takes shortcuts. It makes assumptions about little things (for instance, the smell of bacon probably means breakfast) so it can focus on the important stuff.

Sometimes these shortcuts are helpful, but other times, not so much. “Cognitive distortions happen when a shortcut leads us in the wrong direction,” says psychologist Andrea Bonior. Luckily, you can learn to correct erroneous assumptions. Read on for the most common mental traps we fall into—and how to fight back.

1. The Friend Snub

You and your BFF are normally inseparable, but today she barely responded to your texts and turned down your invite to make a TikTok together.

YOUR BRAIN SAYS: Obviously, she hates you and you’re going to be friendless the rest of your life.

THE REAL STORY: You’re doing something called “personalization.” Your brain loves to make things all about you (it’s your brain, after all!), so when it senses your friend is acting weird, it assumes she’s responding to something you did. But in reality, your friend could be stressing about an upcoming test or just having an off day.

THE FIX: Ask yourself, “What else could be going on to make my friend act this way?” This kind of reasoning can battle all sorts of cognitive distortions.

2. The Green-Eyed Monster

It’s the first time you’ve had a chance to see your crush Sam IRL in months. But Sam barely acknowledges you, and instead spends the entire time flirting with your friend. Night. Ruined.

YOUR BRAIN SAYS: It’s all your friend’s fault. A real friend wouldn’t make you feel this way when they know you’ve been dying to get face time with Sam, right? You’d better give them the cold shoulder.

THE REAL STORY: You’re using “emotional reasoning.” Our brains often decide what to think based on how we feel. And while emotions are important, they can often lead you astray.\

THE FIX: If you can recognize emotional reasoning, you can stop your feelings from getting out of control. Take a sec to calm your brain before you do anything you’ll regret, like getting mad at your friend. After all, who Sam likes is up to Sam, not your friend.

The Mind-Body Connection

Use your body to calm your brain

Sometimes it’s better to tackle the physical side of things first. If you’re feeling your emotions in a distracting way, try these calm-down tips from Bonior.

Do a Breathing Exercise

Don’t know how? Try the 4-7-8 technique. First, inhale through your nose for 4 seconds. Next, hold your breath for 7 seconds. Finally, exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds—or until you run out of air. Repeat this as many times as you need.

Move Your Body

It’s a lot harder to spiral down the rabbit hole of anxious thoughts when you’re focusing on getting your heart pumping.

Splash Cold Water on Your Face

Cold temperatures work to fight back against our physical stress symptoms and help us calm down. You could also try jumping into a cold shower or holding an ice cube in the palm of your hand.

3. The Chore Battle

Your brother refuses to walk the dog even though it’s his turn, and your parents let him off the hook—again. You do puppy patrol, then feel annoyed the rest of the night.

YOUR BRAIN SAYS: Your parents always side with your brother over you. They never see your point of view. Clearly your brother’s the favorite.

THE REAL STORY: You’re overgeneralizing. You do this when you think of things in terms of “always,” “never,” “everybody,” or “nobody.”

THE FIX: Psychologist Regine Galanti suggests swapping “always” with “often” for a more realistic view. Another approach: Focus on a solution. Tell yourself: “My brother’s been skipping chores a lot—it might be time to make a chore schedule so we can keep track.”

4. The Grade Spiral

After giving an important presentation in chemistry, you make yourself sick with worry waiting for your grade.

YOUR BRAINS SAYS: You talked too fast, messed up your conclusion, and probably sounded like a total idiot. Might as well drop out of school now, because you’ll never pass the class.

THE REAL STORY: You’re “mentalfiltering.” That means your brain edited the presentation to a highlight (or lowlight) reel of all your mistakes. When you spend a lot of time criticizing yourself, your brain thinks, “OK, I get it, we prefer to focus on negative things!” and bam, a new shortcut is formed.

THE FIX: Talk to yourself like you would a friend, says Bonior. You wouldn’t let your friends beat themselves up for a week, would you? You’d probably tell them something reassuring like, “Hey, it can’t have been as bad as you think. You always wind up doing better than you thought on presentations, remember?”

Um.. what if my brain is telling the truth?

Some worries are valid—but they don’t have to ruin your life.

Negative thoughts don’t always mean your brain is lying to you. Say Covid-19 has you obsessing about your health. You’d be the liar if you said, “Chill out, brain. There’s nothing to worry about!” The trick is to acknowledge the thought without giving it all the power. Instead, use it to motivate yourself to confront your fears. You might say to yourself, “Yes, Covid is really scary, but I can reduce my risk of getting sick by remembering to wear my mask.”

Vocabulary Words

Mental Health
Coping Skills, Anxiety, Stress & Stress Relief

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