Fishing for Attention?

Every time Emily, 15, scrolled through her Instagram stories, she saw the same types of posts from a girl at her school: infographics about mental health with captions like, “Just because sometimes I look fine in real life, it doesn’t mean I feel fine on the inside.” Emily was alarmed. Was her classmate depressed? Emily asked if the girl needed to talk. “She said, ‘Oh no, I don’t have depression. I post because it gives me more attention,’” Emily recalls. “I was stunned.”

Emily might have been surprised, but her classmate’s behavior is not that unusual. In fact, the practice of posting overly dramatic content just to get sympathy is a growing trend, sometimes called “sadfishing.” According to writer Rebecca Reid, “Sadfishers maximize the drama of their situation to create engagement on social media.” Reid came up with the term after celebrities like Kendall Jenner got massive attention for posts hinting at dramatic personal struggles. (In Jenner’s case, the posts turned out to be part of an ad campaign for acne medicine.) “It’s the emotional equivalent of clickbait,” Reid said.

Today, it’s not just celebrities who sadfish. “I’ll see people posting videos of themselves crying,” says Sophia, 16. “I’ve reached out, and it’s just that their coffee machine doesn’t work, or their mom won’t let them go out.”

Sadfishing is not limited to dramatic captions, either. Luke, 14, says he’s seen posts of people displaying hospital bracelets. “People will ask, ‘Oh my gosh, are you OK?’ And they’re like, ‘I was just in the hospital,’” he says. “Then you ask what happened, and it turns out they only got a shot or had their blood drawn.”

While the type of posts Emily, Sophia, and Luke describe may be common these days, posting about personal struggles, whether legitimate or inflated, is relatively new. In fact, it wasn’t that long ago that social media was dominated by flawless selfies of people claiming to be living their #bestlifeever. In reaction, some social media users began posting more honest content, with hashtags like #nofilter and #celebratetheimperfect.

This move toward more authentic representations online is a positive development, says family and teen therapist Jaynay Johnson. Seeing other people struggle can help you feel less alone when you’re going through a dark time. When Sophia posted about the death of her grandfather, she got far more comments and likes than usual, and the extra attention helped her feel better: “It was nice to have people show they care,” she says.

The problem comes when the positive feedback you get from dark or negative posts becomes addictive. Studies have shown that getting likes on a post releases a feel-good chemical called dopamine in your brain, so you might start only posting negative things or exaggerating your sadness in order to keep the dopamine flowing.

You may be thinking, I get it—sadfishing isn’t great, but who’s it hurting? The answer is, potentially you. For one thing, exaggerating or editing your posts to reflect only the negative aspects of life is as inauthentic as posting only perfect selfies and positive thoughts. There’s also the chance that people will get so tired of your fake drama, they’ll stop paying attention to you altogether.

More importantly, there’s a danger that you might mistake online support for actual help if you’re having a mental health crisis. “You never know who is responding or if they’re qualified to help you,” says Pamela Rutledge, director of the Media Psychology Research Center. In fact, a study in the U.K. found that many teens with mental health issues felt worse after posting about their struggles because they received bad or unhelpful advice.

Even worse, Rutledge warns, if your posts send signals that you’re in a vulnerable state, you could become a target for people with less than good intentions. (This is especially dangerous if you’re in a chat room with strangers.)

While you should always be mindful of staying safe online (see “Share Safely”), ultimately, how much you share is up to you. For Vivian, 17, the sweet spot is discussing her past but keeping her present private. “I talk about recovery and healing” from past crises, she says, but “the only people who should really know how I’m currently feeling are my mom and my therapist.”

No matter how much you choose to share, be careful about judging other people’s posts. “We could be doing a lot of damage labeling normal sad feelings as sadfishing,” says Johnson. Even if you suspect the person is being over the top, it’s never a bad idea to check in. (See “The Right Response”).

When it comes to your own posts, the best way to avoid being accused of sadfishing is to be as real as possible. That means posting content you want to share, regardless of how many likes it gets. The goal of social media should be connection, not attention, so leave the fake drama to the celebrities.

_{Sources: Digital Awareness UK, National Cybersecurity Alliance, National Alliance on Mental Illness}